What's On My Mind Tonight

SO much has been going through my mind today, so bare with me as I'm trying to type out my feelings on similar subjects. Okay, actions speak louder than words. Some people are out of touch with reality and do not realize that there are some people out there who are smart and just don't believe anything and everything one person says through a computer screen especially if they're quite a distance away. Let me say this, I have been single awhile. Yes, I'm over my ex's and yes, I will not just get into a relationship with anyone and everyone. That is why I'm staying single until someone proves to me that they are not a game player. That is why I have been focusing on music, family, and friends. You don't need or have to have a relationship to be happy! Yes, it would be nice to have someone to share my life with, but it's getting harder to come across any real honest people out there. They're out there, but they are a rare breed so to speak. I am talking about in person and not just on the internet. Because we know there is life outside the internet. I have met several people on the internet who claimed that they were looking for a serious relationship, but turns out that they were just looking to play head games and play people. Some were also living double lives. Not everyone is who they appear to be. And that is part of the reason why I'm really only looking for friends online. Trying to find someone online within distance or even a few states away to get to know and see in person and possibly have a relationship with is a waste of time in most cases. Yes, maybe for some people it works, but it hasn't for me when I looked. I'm not that lonely that I'd settle for an online long distance relationship with someone I never met in person. This one guy I've known online for about 2 years who lives on the other end of the country. We would talk and over time got to know each a little bit. And he knew friendship was all I was looking for as I told him on day one. The first few months we'd talk like once or twice a week or so, but for the last year and a half or so it was maybe once or twice every few months. Last time I heard from him before today was in October. Anyway, I heard from him today and he's like "I was here all along hoping you see that I wouldn't hurt you." I'm saying to my self wow okay, where did this come from? He never mentioned anything to me over the 2 years about any interest in me like that. And I told him that and he got all mad and said "yeah, you're right & I'll leave you alone." and got offline. So yeah, that was unexpected. So that right there sounded like some sort of a game to me. Last night I heard from someone I haven't talked to in at least two years..turns out him and his girlfriend broke up awhile ago and he wants to talk to me again. It's annoying when people ignore you for so long and then expect you to be buddy buddy or even expect you to have instant interest in dating them. I'll be 25 this year and I do not have time to waste on peoples games. I've always wanted a real relationship. No lies. No games. No cheating. Only honesty, sincerity, trust, love, laughter, communication, compassion, compromise, and understanding. So I'm fine and have been fine with being single. Maybe someday I will be surprised.

The Only Person I Would Think Of Dating That Is Twice My Age Is John Cusack LOL :P

Seriously though, there is a UPS man that likes me that comes into my work place. See he has been a regular for almost as long as I have been working there. I am starting to think that no one has ever really treated him with kindness or at least not too many people have. One of my co workers thinks that he might feel that I ‘like’ him which I don’t. Good customer service and valuing customers is important to me. If the guy really knew me, he’d know that I like to joke around with my regular customers and outside of work, I like to joke around and just be good to people. I sit down with quite a few regulars either before/after work or even on my break. So if he thinks I am treating only him special, no I am not. I got to know a bit about the guy by talking to him and well, he seems like he is really depressed with some of the things he had said sometimes. He builds up racing cars in his spare time and seems to spend a lot of money on it and he would go on and on with how much this part or that part would cost and it would seem that he has a spending problem since he said he spent almost $10,000 on building the current car. He said, he might as well spend the money while he’s got it. We have nothing in common anyway plus he is at least twice my age and I had no and have no interest in dating the guy anyway. To make a long story short, he gave me his number as he said; ” to send me a text every now and then to keep me updated on your job hunt.” Which I didn’t think anything of at the time. But over the last month/month and a half, the guy is starting to come on strong and it’s really starting to bother me because I’ll get a text from him saying ” Hi Jackie, I’m sitting here having a hot fudge sundae and I wish you were sitting here to talk to.” And just the other day I told him I was going to be busy going to a wedding and then he replies; “I bet you will be the prettiest girl at the wedding.” That made me feel so awkward really. I replied to him and told him; no, the bride will be. And then he was like ” did you not like it that I said you were pretty?” I told him I was not offended by him telling me that, but I am sure he could tell I thought it was weird. Seriously it is going to be awkward if I see him come in to my work place next week, at least for me it will be because of the comment he made. My phone goes off tonight and I am not getting a phone card until I feel like it. So thankfully I will have a much needed break from the UPS man texting me or trying to call me. My phone is not my life anyway, my friends can contact me through Facebook or email if needed. If I see him come in this week at work and he makes some “comments” I am just going to tell him that he is making me feel uncomfortable. If he does not respect how I feel, well, it’s too bad for him.. Those who do know me know that my heart belongs to my bands and also know that if I ever get into a relationship again that the guy has to love rock music and concerts! Otherwise there would be no point in getting into a relationship with the person because you both have to have something in common that you both love and have a passion for. I know God has the right guy out there for me somewhere. Sometimes I think maybe I already know him and it will just take time for a relationship to form. Time will tell I guess. I do have some good guy friends and one good true friend that is a girl who lives about 40 miles from me. Sometimes friends is just all we need for now.

Alrighty,
I picked out some boy names -

Benjamin
Adam
David
Thomas

Girl names -
Rose
Joanna
Naomi

It's odd for me to think of children's names right now, but I guess you can say I am prepared for someday. Haha :)
If I am able to have children, I would have my Mom & Dad there with me from day one. I could never leave my Mom & Dad out of my child's life.
It would be important to me for my kids to have them in their life. Hopefully Grandma will still be alive to see my children.
Lately, I have been thinking about my future. A lot of people come and go from our lives. The family & close friends I have in my life right now, I see them in my life til I am old & gray.

A few of my online friends come to me for advice with their troubles & I help them through it. Belinda tells me I help her so much with the advice I give her.
I have known her well over a year now. She lives near St. Louis. We were talking about meeting up next concert I am going to at the Verizon. That would be nice to see her. I know she is a real person.

There are some people online who are dangerous. Some create fake accounts on web sites like Myspace & pretend to be someone else when they really aren't. They steal people's pictures & use it on their profile. Don't they know it's a crime? It's against the law to steal someone else's picture and to put it on your page pretending to be them. I just don't understand why people steal someones identity.

Anyway, I bought a few figures off of eBay and I will show them once I receive them.
I should be receiving one by Saturday & the other one next week sometime.
:)

Nothing new really going on. I got my taxes done today. I am getting a refund sent to my bank account in two weeks. I think I'll save it for some concerts. :)
Yesterday I went for a walk & went over to see Sarah for a bit. We had a good time. :)
We are going to start walking once a week together if we can. If our busy schedules will let us. :) I know we will get together & walk sometimes. I know that for sure. How much fun we will have!

I should be receiving my band merch this week sometime. I sent it in around March 20th.
They had a $5.00 blowout sale... So I could not pass it up! I am also awaiting on my "Earring Magic Midge" doll. They should receive the money order by tomorrow.
I'll be pretty busy the rest of the week. Hopefully I'll get a break next week! So I can continue walking at least three times a week outdoors. :)